Let me start off by saying how OVER the army I am. Second, I hate couples as of today. I am so bored with seeing them because it only makes me want Danny home safe more than I already do. I can't stand anything army related because it makes me think of how angry I am with it. I know they're just doing their job, believe me, I know. I just kind of wish it could be over with. I want Danny back home. I can't talk to anyone about anything because they don't know what to say. I mean, I wouldn't know what to say either if someone said they missed their significant other overseas, yada yada, because I'm not in there place to understand. I just don't like seeing couples who don't get along. I cherish every minute I have with Danny, whether he's leaving soon for a week or before his deployment or not. If you're going to be a couple, be happy together. If you're not happy, don't hang around and waste time. Life is far too short.
Everytime I think back about the memories I have with Danny, it makes me happy but then sad right after. I'm tired of this emotional rollercoaster. I thought in the beginning that I could handle a deployment because to be honest, I'm strong. Nothing really bothers me, I was never a little girl about things ever. I just do what I have to do and I do it independently. But now I'm beyond weak, I cry at everything, I miss him and think about him daily. I will never, ever be able to handle a deployment. You don't really handle it at all, there's not strategy to getting through this; but you just do it because you love them. You're going to be miserable. People told me stay busy... well news flash! I have two part-time jobs now, plus I am in school full-time. Do the math... that is all day, everyday busy! Even at work I still think about him and get sad. Even while I'm running nine million errands or doing homework or doing my duties at my jobs, I am thinking of him every step I take. I love him to death, and I hope he realizes I wouldn't just do this for anyone... This is hell.
I understand that what he is experiencing is ten times worse. If he reads this he'll probably think, wow, I would love to have your jobs and just be in school like a normal kid my age. I understand that what he's experiencing overseas is way more exhausting than what I'm doing, but we feel the exact same way. Nothing is the same for the both of us, we're both just drained, we're both tired of this way of life and we both just want complete normalcy again. I hate crying all the time. This is not easy. I hate talking/venting to people and all they say is "I know." They don't know, and that just drives me more crazy. I miss my monkey:( I'm just going crazy now! People tell me to look forward to the future and the good things that will come, but to me that just doesn't matter right now. I'm living in the present, not the future, and as of right now... well it stinks. The only person who will be able to cheer me up is Danny. And the only way that will happen is for him to come home safely. I can't stand the fighting the happens between us because we're both annoyed, because I know that's not the kind of relationship we have. We aren't "that" couple who fights about every little thing and kisses and makes up, we just don't fight at all together. I'm not saying it's perfect, we have little bicker matches and two minutes later we're fine, but even that's rare. We get along like what we are, best friends. He's not just my boyfriend, and I actually hate that word because no one takes it seriously. This guy is my life, I have never felt happier than when I've been with him. He knows everything about me and we don't judge each other, we get along great. It's beautiful. And for us to fight like we have only when he's overseas, well that just makes me sad. It could be the tiniest thing that sets either one of us off. Taking things the wrong way, having an attitude and raising our voices are not like us. When we're together, we TALK if something is bothering us. Raising our voices is just disrespectful so we never do that. When he's gone, yep we do. I hate it. I just want my best friend home:(
I love you babe. To the moon and back
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Photographs
The hardest thing is seeing pictures of Danny. I'm so good at putting on a front around people that no one can even tell he's all I'm thinking about. I carry a picture of him in my wallet so I can take it out and look at it whenever. I feel like everytime I see pictures of him, it makes things worse. That sounds bad... I don't know how to explain it. It's like a wound. When you get one, you don't want to look at it or else it seems to hurt worse. When you don't look at it, it's almost like it's not there. I love every aspect of Danny, but the army is what I want to not be there. I don't want this deployment. When I first started dating Danny, I knew he would be deployed. I figured to give it a shot and see if we'd even last a year later when he would get deployed and sure enough I fell in love with him quick. We're still together and I don't ever regret being with him, nor will I ever. But I didn't think facing a deployment would be this hard.
I know girls who will soon be experiencing a deployment, and I think I'm a pretty strong person. I don't really show emotions that things bother me so I figured this would be a cake walk. But those girls will be sorrily mistaken! This is and will be the hardest thing we ever face as a couple, and we're getting through it. Everything I look at reminds me of him. I know in my past few blogs I have mentioned "friends" that are better off away from me, and I don't regret those decisions either. I do things because I'm strong, I don't feel the need to hold on to friends who really aren't my friends because I'd feel bad or whatever. I have the best friends I could have right now, and all along they are the ones I have trusted to get me through this tough time:) I laugh every single day with them, but like I said I can hide feelings well.. I feel without these friends I have, though, I would never ever make it through this deployment. I'd be a hot mess. I just printed out a bunch of pictures of friends and me to hang in my room because I have only a few of friends and the rest are me and Danny. Printing out these pictures is a psychological thing for me, looking at them and Danny will make me 10x more happier than just looking at Danny's cute face (tehe) :) With mostly pictures of me and Danny from the past it hits me harder that he's gone and just makes me sad. Having more pictures of all my friends up keeps me going! I sure hope he appreciates these girls because I couldn't get through this without them!.. The 181 girls are good help too.
Now that Danny will never have to be at the OP ever again (for the rest of his time there this deployment) I get to talk to him every single day!! The weeks are flying by, and there are only 16 weeks left till he's home with me again:) It makes me happy that he doesn't have to be at the OP for weeks at a time. I'm not so worried about his safety because he made me promise not to be, but I feel worse that I can do whatever I please here while he's sitting on the top of a mountain with a bunch of smelly guys. I can get good food, I can have fun and go to places we both love, etc. Soon enough he will be home and we will finally have a normal life together! I love him more than anything, I sound like a sap now! He means the world to me and he should know that no matter what life throws at me, I'll get through it for him:)
16 Weeks babes!!
I know girls who will soon be experiencing a deployment, and I think I'm a pretty strong person. I don't really show emotions that things bother me so I figured this would be a cake walk. But those girls will be sorrily mistaken! This is and will be the hardest thing we ever face as a couple, and we're getting through it. Everything I look at reminds me of him. I know in my past few blogs I have mentioned "friends" that are better off away from me, and I don't regret those decisions either. I do things because I'm strong, I don't feel the need to hold on to friends who really aren't my friends because I'd feel bad or whatever. I have the best friends I could have right now, and all along they are the ones I have trusted to get me through this tough time:) I laugh every single day with them, but like I said I can hide feelings well.. I feel without these friends I have, though, I would never ever make it through this deployment. I'd be a hot mess. I just printed out a bunch of pictures of friends and me to hang in my room because I have only a few of friends and the rest are me and Danny. Printing out these pictures is a psychological thing for me, looking at them and Danny will make me 10x more happier than just looking at Danny's cute face (tehe) :) With mostly pictures of me and Danny from the past it hits me harder that he's gone and just makes me sad. Having more pictures of all my friends up keeps me going! I sure hope he appreciates these girls because I couldn't get through this without them!.. The 181 girls are good help too.
Now that Danny will never have to be at the OP ever again (for the rest of his time there this deployment) I get to talk to him every single day!! The weeks are flying by, and there are only 16 weeks left till he's home with me again:) It makes me happy that he doesn't have to be at the OP for weeks at a time. I'm not so worried about his safety because he made me promise not to be, but I feel worse that I can do whatever I please here while he's sitting on the top of a mountain with a bunch of smelly guys. I can get good food, I can have fun and go to places we both love, etc. Soon enough he will be home and we will finally have a normal life together! I love him more than anything, I sound like a sap now! He means the world to me and he should know that no matter what life throws at me, I'll get through it for him:)
16 Weeks babes!!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Two Peas in a Pod :)
Danny's leave came and went faster than I thought it would. When he was here, it was amazing. Whenever we bickered over the phone or over Skype while he was in Afghanistan, it was so stupid of me to think that's how he would be permanently when he got home. When Danny was home, it was like he never even left. He was his same funny self, we got along with each other just how we used to and on the way home right after I picked him up he apologized for having an attitude with me like he did when he was in Afghanistan. It was so nice to hear that he knew he was wrong but still loved me. From that moment on we were two peas in a pod:)
We never once questioned the love we have for each other when he was home. We never doubted that we would stay together. We laughed all day everyday together, and it was just like old times. For any of the ladies out there who had the same problem as me, arguing with their soldier for no reason, just know that things will quickly go back to how they used to be when they're home for leave. And I'm sure when Danny is home for good, he will be even happier; the whole two weeks were great, but everyday he thought to himself that he has to leave shortly again. Being home for good will make them so at ease and relaxed, I am looking forward to that! I can't even believe how awesome those two weeks were, I can't get over it! I was so worried that he was going to hate me or something when he got home or just be on edge the whole time, but it couldn't have been any more perfect. The first weekend he was home we went to South Royalton, VT and stayed in this cozy little cabin (that was beautiful) and we went to Burlington, VT for a winter festival and just enjoyed each other's company. It was a great time! It was the little alone time I had with him the whole two weeks that he was home. Seeing Danny with his nephew, Darren, made me tear up. He loves that little guy like he's his own! He couldn't believe how much Darren grew and how he was speaking full sentences (for the most part) now, and that he knows a word for everything, etc. Danny really missed his family and it was good to see them reuinited. His parents were the most excited, even if they held back their excitement a little, I could tell:) I can't wait to see him come home this summer to his family! That is going to be a very exciting day!
I was beyond excited that Danny was home for Valentine's Day! The plan was that he was to come home January 31st and leave on February 14th, but he came home on February 2nd so he stayed till the 17th! I couldn't believe that even coming home from Afghanistan he had something nice planned for me! We went to East Haven Hot Tubs in Northampton and we hung out in the hot tub for a little while, then got a couples massage. It was so relaxing, and much needed! Danny was a little sore the next day from the massage, haha! He gave me diamond earrings as my gift, along with a big box of chocolates and roses and a card with the best note ever written inside. We gave each other the same card unknowingly! His gift from me was a Guess watch that he immediately fell in love with! It looks awesome, but we don't know how to use half of the stuff that comes on the watch. As long as it looks cool, we're good:) Then that night we went to Max's Tavern, all dressed up, then spent the night together. It was a relaxing day, and the gifts were good... but the best gift was that he was home. I was preparing myself for the worst day ever that day months in advance thinking he wouldn't be home, and I didn't want to see everyone's status on Facebook about how they're having the best Valentine's Day ever, while I was stuck at home alone. Turns out it was the best Valentine's Day I could ever have:) His romantic side really hasn't changed. I was sick a few of the days (and I still am!), and he went out and got me medicine, rubbed my back and rubbed my head to make me feel better, constantly asked if I needed anything. I felt like the worst person in the world because I was SO sick while he was only home for a short time, but he told me he wanted to be there with me taking care of me. I have a feeling he missed being able to do that, being home and being able to be there and comfort me when I'm down. It makes me cry just thinking about it! He is such a good man. I would do anything for him!
Saying goodbye was the absolute WORST part. I hate it. I don't even like thinking about it. But we were both a little anxious for him to just leave already! I hope that doesn't sound bad.. but the quicker he left the quicker he would be back. It was bittersweet. It was horrible that he had to go back to life over in Afghanistan, but it was good because the next time I see him, he would be home for good! I was able to get a gate pass at Bradley airport, and I didn't even know they had those! It allowed me to go through security with him and all the way down to his gate and watch him board that plane. He was making me laugh the whole time we waited for him to board his flight, I'll never forget that. And he kept kissing me on the cheek and holding my hand and he told me he loved me over and over. When it was time for him to board his flight, that's when I got shakey and couldn't hold back the tears. He gave me one last hug and kiss before he had to stand in line to board the plane, and that was the worst. When I thought I was the only one crying into his shoulder, I was wrong. Danny rarely cries so when he does it makes me so sad! When he stopped hugging me I looked at him and the tears were rolling down his cheeks. He cleaned up and put on his soldier face again and went to stand in line. As soon as his ticket was checked he looked back and waved to me and blew me an air kiss and mouthed that he loves me. I didn't screw up this time by not waiting for him to wave to me! It sucked completely walking through the airport crying; it already sucked that I just had to say goodbye to him again, but everyone was just looking at me like I had two heads! Nothing to look at people, carry on with your day! So I walked all the way back to the parking garage alone and that was sad. I got over it though, because I need to stay positive again so this flies by just like the first half did! I kept telling myself on the drive home that the next time I am at Bradley airport it would be to pick up Danny for good and we will go back to normal just like we were before, and over these two weeks. Today is Danny's 21st birthday, and he is sitting in Kuwait waiting to go back to Afghanistan. When he gets home, I cannot wait to celebrate with him and give him the best party that he deserves!
When you are with your soldier on his leave, remember every single moment with him. I remembered specific moments to keep for when I'm sad, like looking over at Danny and seeing him sleeping and all cuddled up under his blankets. Or when we were laying down and he would just look at me with those hazel eyes and smile at me and kiss me. Or his cowlick on his hairline... I love it. I always looked at it because it's my favorite part of him. Just cherish every single little moment with your soldier, because those memories are what will keep you going and strong.
I love you so much hun! I will see you in 22 weeks:) To the moon and back
We never once questioned the love we have for each other when he was home. We never doubted that we would stay together. We laughed all day everyday together, and it was just like old times. For any of the ladies out there who had the same problem as me, arguing with their soldier for no reason, just know that things will quickly go back to how they used to be when they're home for leave. And I'm sure when Danny is home for good, he will be even happier; the whole two weeks were great, but everyday he thought to himself that he has to leave shortly again. Being home for good will make them so at ease and relaxed, I am looking forward to that! I can't even believe how awesome those two weeks were, I can't get over it! I was so worried that he was going to hate me or something when he got home or just be on edge the whole time, but it couldn't have been any more perfect. The first weekend he was home we went to South Royalton, VT and stayed in this cozy little cabin (that was beautiful) and we went to Burlington, VT for a winter festival and just enjoyed each other's company. It was a great time! It was the little alone time I had with him the whole two weeks that he was home. Seeing Danny with his nephew, Darren, made me tear up. He loves that little guy like he's his own! He couldn't believe how much Darren grew and how he was speaking full sentences (for the most part) now, and that he knows a word for everything, etc. Danny really missed his family and it was good to see them reuinited. His parents were the most excited, even if they held back their excitement a little, I could tell:) I can't wait to see him come home this summer to his family! That is going to be a very exciting day!
I was beyond excited that Danny was home for Valentine's Day! The plan was that he was to come home January 31st and leave on February 14th, but he came home on February 2nd so he stayed till the 17th! I couldn't believe that even coming home from Afghanistan he had something nice planned for me! We went to East Haven Hot Tubs in Northampton and we hung out in the hot tub for a little while, then got a couples massage. It was so relaxing, and much needed! Danny was a little sore the next day from the massage, haha! He gave me diamond earrings as my gift, along with a big box of chocolates and roses and a card with the best note ever written inside. We gave each other the same card unknowingly! His gift from me was a Guess watch that he immediately fell in love with! It looks awesome, but we don't know how to use half of the stuff that comes on the watch. As long as it looks cool, we're good:) Then that night we went to Max's Tavern, all dressed up, then spent the night together. It was a relaxing day, and the gifts were good... but the best gift was that he was home. I was preparing myself for the worst day ever that day months in advance thinking he wouldn't be home, and I didn't want to see everyone's status on Facebook about how they're having the best Valentine's Day ever, while I was stuck at home alone. Turns out it was the best Valentine's Day I could ever have:) His romantic side really hasn't changed. I was sick a few of the days (and I still am!), and he went out and got me medicine, rubbed my back and rubbed my head to make me feel better, constantly asked if I needed anything. I felt like the worst person in the world because I was SO sick while he was only home for a short time, but he told me he wanted to be there with me taking care of me. I have a feeling he missed being able to do that, being home and being able to be there and comfort me when I'm down. It makes me cry just thinking about it! He is such a good man. I would do anything for him!
Saying goodbye was the absolute WORST part. I hate it. I don't even like thinking about it. But we were both a little anxious for him to just leave already! I hope that doesn't sound bad.. but the quicker he left the quicker he would be back. It was bittersweet. It was horrible that he had to go back to life over in Afghanistan, but it was good because the next time I see him, he would be home for good! I was able to get a gate pass at Bradley airport, and I didn't even know they had those! It allowed me to go through security with him and all the way down to his gate and watch him board that plane. He was making me laugh the whole time we waited for him to board his flight, I'll never forget that. And he kept kissing me on the cheek and holding my hand and he told me he loved me over and over. When it was time for him to board his flight, that's when I got shakey and couldn't hold back the tears. He gave me one last hug and kiss before he had to stand in line to board the plane, and that was the worst. When I thought I was the only one crying into his shoulder, I was wrong. Danny rarely cries so when he does it makes me so sad! When he stopped hugging me I looked at him and the tears were rolling down his cheeks. He cleaned up and put on his soldier face again and went to stand in line. As soon as his ticket was checked he looked back and waved to me and blew me an air kiss and mouthed that he loves me. I didn't screw up this time by not waiting for him to wave to me! It sucked completely walking through the airport crying; it already sucked that I just had to say goodbye to him again, but everyone was just looking at me like I had two heads! Nothing to look at people, carry on with your day! So I walked all the way back to the parking garage alone and that was sad. I got over it though, because I need to stay positive again so this flies by just like the first half did! I kept telling myself on the drive home that the next time I am at Bradley airport it would be to pick up Danny for good and we will go back to normal just like we were before, and over these two weeks. Today is Danny's 21st birthday, and he is sitting in Kuwait waiting to go back to Afghanistan. When he gets home, I cannot wait to celebrate with him and give him the best party that he deserves!
When you are with your soldier on his leave, remember every single moment with him. I remembered specific moments to keep for when I'm sad, like looking over at Danny and seeing him sleeping and all cuddled up under his blankets. Or when we were laying down and he would just look at me with those hazel eyes and smile at me and kiss me. Or his cowlick on his hairline... I love it. I always looked at it because it's my favorite part of him. Just cherish every single little moment with your soldier, because those memories are what will keep you going and strong.
I love you so much hun! I will see you in 22 weeks:) To the moon and back
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Staying Busy
13 more days till Danny comes home! It's so weird, I've been counting down since like 90 and it has gone by faster than I thought. I mentioned that Danny and I always fought about one thing, and that was that I felt like he didn't care about me anymore (stupid, I know) because of how he talked. He is always either tired or mad at a guy over there or mad that he has to do the same boring stuff every single day. Since we've talked about it, he's been different. When he said he promised to watch his tone with me, he really has. It makes me happy again knowing that he really does love me and it's not me that he's really mad at. I also got a letter in the mail from him finally! It's from December 17th because they hardly send the mail out from the guys but once a month. It was before we even had problems with how he started talking to me, and it was the sweetest love letter in the entire world! He kind of sounded like a little boy, it was adorable:) In a nutshell, he told me how much he loves me and can't wait to have a normal life with me again and how he misses his family and mine. It was very reassuring! He said he is always bored when he goes on missions or to the OP and that it sucks...But if you ask me, boring is good! At least we know they're safe!
I recently got together with a few of the 181 girls and it was such a good time! I have never hung out with them outside the FRG meetings before and it was hilarious. It was comforting that we are all going through the exact same thing and we each knew exactly what the other was talking about. We didn't spend all night talking about military either, which was good. We all needed to let go a little bit! We played games, talked, laughed... Everything I needed with the people I needed! I can't wait for Danny to get home because he's the one person I need to see right now. He always helps me get through everything and he always is right there by my side. So since this is a huge experience in my life, I need him to be by my side right now. Since he can't because he's the major part of the experience, it's horrible. I'm not used to going through things without him, but this deployment is really making me stronger! It's making all of us a little stronger, and that will stay with us forever.
I have been doing something every single day since Danny has been gone. I've either been at school then going straight to work, or just working all day, or just hanging out with multiple friends everyday. Somedays I don't even want to constantly be with someone, and in that way I feel kind of pathetic but I just don't want to be alone for fear of breaking down and being sad again. And I don't talk about Danny much when I'm with the friends who aren't in this deployment like the 181 ladies, because they'll probably get sick of hearing it and I don't blame them! So when I'm with them, I have a good time and laugh with them and that is what makes the days go by quicker. It is nice hanging out with so many friends like I've been doing too, because when Danny was here I pretty much clung to him like crazy because I knew I had limited time with him, that was like a month before he left. It's great that I have good friends too, because with fake friends like I have had in the past, I would be miserable right now. It was out with the old and in with the new for me, and I couldn't be happier with them:)
I went over Danny's parents' house last night, and it was so nice seeing them. His parents are so comforting in everything I talk to them about, and they know how everything is as well because they're going through it too. It was nice to have a few laughs with them and just talk to them about everything, and catch up with what has been going on in our lives. They always ask if I have talked to him lately, and it cracks me up because I hardly do and they know just as much as I do! They just really care about their son and it definitely shows! They cannot wait for his arrival and they have already planned to cook a couple of his favorite dishes for dinner and take him to his favorite restaurants. I know Danny can't wait to eat normal food again at his favorite places! After I left Danny's parents' house I went over to see both of his sisters at their house. I haven't seen them in a couple weeks so it was nice catching up with them too! And Darren, Danny's nephew:) He's getting so big, Danny is going to be shocked at how much Darren talks when he gets home. I remember when Darren would try to form a sentence and just get out babytalk that no one could possibly understand. Now he forms his words and puts them together perfectly, he's so smart! Danny misses Darren like crazy!
I can't believe I am down to 13 days. It's going to be easy and hard at the same time. When I see the other guys get home to their girlfriends a little earlier than Danny I'm going to be so jealous! I can't wait to have Danny here and just hold him and know he's safe and we can have a regular life again for 2 weeks, but I'm sure army mode won't just shut off... That part will be interesting. I just hope he's his normal, funny self and is still able to laugh at things he used to laugh at. We will see! I'm slowly dying with excitement, ahhhh! :)
I recently got together with a few of the 181 girls and it was such a good time! I have never hung out with them outside the FRG meetings before and it was hilarious. It was comforting that we are all going through the exact same thing and we each knew exactly what the other was talking about. We didn't spend all night talking about military either, which was good. We all needed to let go a little bit! We played games, talked, laughed... Everything I needed with the people I needed! I can't wait for Danny to get home because he's the one person I need to see right now. He always helps me get through everything and he always is right there by my side. So since this is a huge experience in my life, I need him to be by my side right now. Since he can't because he's the major part of the experience, it's horrible. I'm not used to going through things without him, but this deployment is really making me stronger! It's making all of us a little stronger, and that will stay with us forever.
I have been doing something every single day since Danny has been gone. I've either been at school then going straight to work, or just working all day, or just hanging out with multiple friends everyday. Somedays I don't even want to constantly be with someone, and in that way I feel kind of pathetic but I just don't want to be alone for fear of breaking down and being sad again. And I don't talk about Danny much when I'm with the friends who aren't in this deployment like the 181 ladies, because they'll probably get sick of hearing it and I don't blame them! So when I'm with them, I have a good time and laugh with them and that is what makes the days go by quicker. It is nice hanging out with so many friends like I've been doing too, because when Danny was here I pretty much clung to him like crazy because I knew I had limited time with him, that was like a month before he left. It's great that I have good friends too, because with fake friends like I have had in the past, I would be miserable right now. It was out with the old and in with the new for me, and I couldn't be happier with them:)
I went over Danny's parents' house last night, and it was so nice seeing them. His parents are so comforting in everything I talk to them about, and they know how everything is as well because they're going through it too. It was nice to have a few laughs with them and just talk to them about everything, and catch up with what has been going on in our lives. They always ask if I have talked to him lately, and it cracks me up because I hardly do and they know just as much as I do! They just really care about their son and it definitely shows! They cannot wait for his arrival and they have already planned to cook a couple of his favorite dishes for dinner and take him to his favorite restaurants. I know Danny can't wait to eat normal food again at his favorite places! After I left Danny's parents' house I went over to see both of his sisters at their house. I haven't seen them in a couple weeks so it was nice catching up with them too! And Darren, Danny's nephew:) He's getting so big, Danny is going to be shocked at how much Darren talks when he gets home. I remember when Darren would try to form a sentence and just get out babytalk that no one could possibly understand. Now he forms his words and puts them together perfectly, he's so smart! Danny misses Darren like crazy!
I can't believe I am down to 13 days. It's going to be easy and hard at the same time. When I see the other guys get home to their girlfriends a little earlier than Danny I'm going to be so jealous! I can't wait to have Danny here and just hold him and know he's safe and we can have a regular life again for 2 weeks, but I'm sure army mode won't just shut off... That part will be interesting. I just hope he's his normal, funny self and is still able to laugh at things he used to laugh at. We will see! I'm slowly dying with excitement, ahhhh! :)
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Some People Wait a Lifetime...
Just like to start out by saying that there are only 17 days left till Danny's arrival! :)
As much bickering about stupid things that Danny and I do, we always make up like a minute later. I always knew what a special guy I have and I knew how lucky I am to call him my own. Talking to him this morning really made me look at him in a different way.
I can tell Danny truly loves me. He may get frustrated sometimes while he's overseas, but so do I. This is hard and we're both young. He always says that I'm 19 and I could be out partying and doing whatever I want, but instead I chose to be with him. He is entirely right. I chose to be with him because since day 1, he has proven to me that he is better and will be better than every other guy I ever meet. He goes above and beyond for me, and it's not by spending money because we hardly do that for each other. This relationship is based on pure love, and I'm so happy I found it. He will go out and buy me medicine when I'm sick without me asking. He will show up with flowers for no reason. He makes me feel so important in his life, and I never have a doubt about whether he loves me. I know he loves me because I can feel it even when he's not here. He always takes my side and protects me when I need him to. We've been through a lot of stuff since we've been together and one thing I can say about that, is that he hasn't left my side once and he believes in me. Our love right now is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it.
I think about him all day, everyday. I picture what he would be doing if I were doing simple things, like washing the dishes he would automatically help me dry them and keep me company. Or if I walked into his room, he automatically opens his arms expecting a hug from me with a smile on his face. The one place I always looks, like I have mentioned in another blog, is my front door. If I'm sitting on the couch I can't help but to look at my front door expecting it to open, then impatiently wait for him to take off his shoes because I can't wait for my hello kiss. I miss him so much! Another thing I remember is just driving with him. I never cared where we went to eat or where he took me on dates, but driving was always the best part with him. He would constantly make me laugh "like a little kid," I would make him laugh, we could talk... it was nice. I miss our drives and I can't wait for more with him when he gets home.
He doesn't know how much I truly adore him. He has taught me everything I know. He taught me to be patient, to live my life happily, to get rid of the grudges I had because they don't matter, to choose my "friends" wisely, to be able to laugh at myself, to love, and to give myself more credit than I do. I feel like God sent him to me in the time of my life when I needed him most. He showed up and turned everything around for me, he had me under his spell since day 1. He's like my angel, he protects me from wherever he is in the world and guides me down the right paths. He looks out for me naturally because he loves me. I got so lucky with Danny, he doesn't know how much I love him and I hope one day I will be able to prove it to him. :) I tell him time and time again, but that only goes so far. I will always consider him as my angel. I will never do anything to ever lose him. Some people wait a lifetime looking for a love like this. I never thought I would find it, I am so blessed.
I'm in this for you Danny, know I will always love you!! We've gotten this far and we've been through so much, we can do this. Keep strong for me like I am for you and just remember I'm waiting patiently. I love you
As much bickering about stupid things that Danny and I do, we always make up like a minute later. I always knew what a special guy I have and I knew how lucky I am to call him my own. Talking to him this morning really made me look at him in a different way.
I can tell Danny truly loves me. He may get frustrated sometimes while he's overseas, but so do I. This is hard and we're both young. He always says that I'm 19 and I could be out partying and doing whatever I want, but instead I chose to be with him. He is entirely right. I chose to be with him because since day 1, he has proven to me that he is better and will be better than every other guy I ever meet. He goes above and beyond for me, and it's not by spending money because we hardly do that for each other. This relationship is based on pure love, and I'm so happy I found it. He will go out and buy me medicine when I'm sick without me asking. He will show up with flowers for no reason. He makes me feel so important in his life, and I never have a doubt about whether he loves me. I know he loves me because I can feel it even when he's not here. He always takes my side and protects me when I need him to. We've been through a lot of stuff since we've been together and one thing I can say about that, is that he hasn't left my side once and he believes in me. Our love right now is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it.
I think about him all day, everyday. I picture what he would be doing if I were doing simple things, like washing the dishes he would automatically help me dry them and keep me company. Or if I walked into his room, he automatically opens his arms expecting a hug from me with a smile on his face. The one place I always looks, like I have mentioned in another blog, is my front door. If I'm sitting on the couch I can't help but to look at my front door expecting it to open, then impatiently wait for him to take off his shoes because I can't wait for my hello kiss. I miss him so much! Another thing I remember is just driving with him. I never cared where we went to eat or where he took me on dates, but driving was always the best part with him. He would constantly make me laugh "like a little kid," I would make him laugh, we could talk... it was nice. I miss our drives and I can't wait for more with him when he gets home.
He doesn't know how much I truly adore him. He has taught me everything I know. He taught me to be patient, to live my life happily, to get rid of the grudges I had because they don't matter, to choose my "friends" wisely, to be able to laugh at myself, to love, and to give myself more credit than I do. I feel like God sent him to me in the time of my life when I needed him most. He showed up and turned everything around for me, he had me under his spell since day 1. He's like my angel, he protects me from wherever he is in the world and guides me down the right paths. He looks out for me naturally because he loves me. I got so lucky with Danny, he doesn't know how much I love him and I hope one day I will be able to prove it to him. :) I tell him time and time again, but that only goes so far. I will always consider him as my angel. I will never do anything to ever lose him. Some people wait a lifetime looking for a love like this. I never thought I would find it, I am so blessed.
I'm in this for you Danny, know I will always love you!! We've gotten this far and we've been through so much, we can do this. Keep strong for me like I am for you and just remember I'm waiting patiently. I love you
Sunday, January 9, 2011
20 Days, Blog 5. Already?!
I cannot believe I'm down to 20 days till I see Danny again!! I think it comes with staying busy and trying to be positive. Today I had a mini panic attack because he stopped talking to me so abruptly and the last time he did that something bad happened. Luckily, a couple of the army wives helped me out by finding out if everything was okay with the men over there and everything is good! Everytime something like this happens, I can't help but to go in panic mode. A lot of the time I feel completely guilty because I know Danny needs for me to be strong and believe me, I am trying! But sometimes I can't help but panic even if everyone tells me everything is okay. I am scared for his safety every single day, just as much as he is I bet. When I get as worked up as I did today, every emotion possible runs through my head. Scared, guilty, sad, happy (for all the times we've already had together), excited (for him to come home to a normal life again), angry (that I can't be there to protect him), and back to scared. It's a rollercoaster! The army is messing with my emotions and I feel a little crazy sometimes, but crazy in this situation is normal!
His coming home is so bittersweet. I want him here for the two weeks, but I also want it to just be over with. Him being home is amazing because I get to see him in person and touch him and see him standing right in front of me, all while I know he is okay. I can't wait to take him places and give back to him what he has been doing for me for the past 3 months, protecting me. I want the two weeks also to just fly by. It's like giving a little kid a piece of candy and dangling it in front of them then just taking it away--it's just teasing me! Because as happy as we're both going to be for those two weeks, he has to leave and go right back for another 5. God, I still can't believe we're going through this together. This is harder than it looks!
Tonight I hung out with my friend Mary again, along with Jessica who is another friend from high school who I have reconnected with. It was so great spending time with them, they are truly amazing friends! They spent time with me and cooked me spaghetti for dinner and picked me up ice cream to make me feel better while I was in panic mode. Ice cream really does make everything better:) It was a really fun night with lots of laughs. Then when I came home I just got lonely again. The house was very silent, I came up in my room and I'm sitting here alone, blogging away. I wish Danny could be next to me watching TV and just laughing with me. I don't even care if we have to watch that God-awful show Lopez Tonight that he thinks is so hilarious, haha, I would give anything to sit through that and just hang out with him!
He's such a good guy. He's good to me, he's good to my family, he's good to my friends, and he's good to his family and friends. Finding someone like this is so hard! When we first started dating, I seriously questioned if he was too good to be true. I guess the only drawback I could find was the army. But it makes him who he is, and I will go through however many deployments it takes for us to be together. I will always be here for him, through thick and thin. I can't even understand what he's going through over there because it's still hard for me to, but I'm trying my best to be here for him. I wish he could open up and talk to me more about how he feels, but I know he's keeping it in to protect me. He's being strong for the both of us when I'm over here breaking down randomly. He's so strong and brave, I hope this deployment makes me more like him in those ways. I think I'm strong now, but he goes above and beyond in that category. I'm beyond proud of my soldier:)
I love you so much Danny, keep your head up hun. 20 more days till we can be together again! Forever and ever, to the moon and back. That's my promise:) xoxo
His coming home is so bittersweet. I want him here for the two weeks, but I also want it to just be over with. Him being home is amazing because I get to see him in person and touch him and see him standing right in front of me, all while I know he is okay. I can't wait to take him places and give back to him what he has been doing for me for the past 3 months, protecting me. I want the two weeks also to just fly by. It's like giving a little kid a piece of candy and dangling it in front of them then just taking it away--it's just teasing me! Because as happy as we're both going to be for those two weeks, he has to leave and go right back for another 5. God, I still can't believe we're going through this together. This is harder than it looks!
Tonight I hung out with my friend Mary again, along with Jessica who is another friend from high school who I have reconnected with. It was so great spending time with them, they are truly amazing friends! They spent time with me and cooked me spaghetti for dinner and picked me up ice cream to make me feel better while I was in panic mode. Ice cream really does make everything better:) It was a really fun night with lots of laughs. Then when I came home I just got lonely again. The house was very silent, I came up in my room and I'm sitting here alone, blogging away. I wish Danny could be next to me watching TV and just laughing with me. I don't even care if we have to watch that God-awful show Lopez Tonight that he thinks is so hilarious, haha, I would give anything to sit through that and just hang out with him!
He's such a good guy. He's good to me, he's good to my family, he's good to my friends, and he's good to his family and friends. Finding someone like this is so hard! When we first started dating, I seriously questioned if he was too good to be true. I guess the only drawback I could find was the army. But it makes him who he is, and I will go through however many deployments it takes for us to be together. I will always be here for him, through thick and thin. I can't even understand what he's going through over there because it's still hard for me to, but I'm trying my best to be here for him. I wish he could open up and talk to me more about how he feels, but I know he's keeping it in to protect me. He's being strong for the both of us when I'm over here breaking down randomly. He's so strong and brave, I hope this deployment makes me more like him in those ways. I think I'm strong now, but he goes above and beyond in that category. I'm beyond proud of my soldier:)
I love you so much Danny, keep your head up hun. 20 more days till we can be together again! Forever and ever, to the moon and back. That's my promise:) xoxo
Friday, January 7, 2011
22 Days!!
I can't even believe there are only 22 days left till I see my love! All I do is think about him day and night. I don't know if this sounds harsh or not, but when he's gone I appreciate him so much more. I came to my conclusion... I obviously appreciate Danny when he is home too, but when he is gone all I can do is miss him and think about the time when he was home and appreciate little moments I had with him. When he's home, I live in the moment. I remember every detail about every moment even if it's just a kiss from him. I don't sit there and think about how much I appreciate it, I'm too busy trying to replay it over and over in my head so that when he's gone again and I feel lonely, I can think back and remember that little moment. Maybe that came out wrong, but I'm trying to understand myself!
I remember the countdown when it was in the 86-ish range and it first began. Now that there are only about 3 weeks left for him to arrive, I keep planning what I'm going to say to him and what I'm going to wear and where we're going to go... but I'm pretty sure by the time of his arrival, that even if I have something planned to say to him, I will totally forget. This situation is all about living in the moment. You can't rush the future and you can't dwell on the past, or else you'll be miserable (believe me!). He's been SO good about being supportive and positive. I can't help to cry when I see him on Skype, I just tear up because I miss seeing that face back at home. When I cry he kind of just laughs at me because he's a boy and that's his natural reaction haha. I remember the first time I cried in front of him he smirked and chuckled a little bit and I was furious that he actually had the guts to do that to me! Now it is one of my favorite qualities about him, and whenever he knows I'm about to cry he smiles and chuckles a little bit. I adore it:) There are so many things about him that I love. The funny voices he does, laughing at me when I'm about to cry, dancing in his car while he's driving, making fun of me rapping to a song, and most of all when we just can sit together and watch TV and love every second of it together.
I can't even remember fighting with him when he was home. It seems we bicker so much more when he's in Afghanistan. You would think it is the other way around, but we both get so frustrated! We'll be all excited to Skype and see each other, then Skype loses connection to the internet. Or another thing, there is never ANYTHING to talk about! He was gone for over a week, and today was his first day back. I was so excited to talk to him, then after 10 minutes of talking his ear off there was nothing to say. He can't tell me much about what he did that day or has to do soon, so it's really just me starting conversations. There's a bunch of awkward silences and I probably tell him I love him a million times everytime we talk, because there isn't anything else to say. When he was home we would laugh together and make jokes and talk about anything, there was never a dull moment. I felt like a bad person when the conversation stops like it did today, till I talked to another army girlfriend and she said the same thing happens to her. Thank God! I felt like I was a bad girlfriend and that my relationship was crumbling or that I was boring or that he was mad at me. That's a huge part of the frustration, so I get mad easier and lose my cool. Which I won't anymore knowing that I am not the only one. It's good to have girls around who know what it's like, otherwise I would think I am the worst girlfriend in the whole world! It's hard understanding what the men have to do, and it's even harder understanding why things aren't the same as they were when the men were here (besides the obvious reason, they're not here!). I'm sure I'll become more and more understanding but I have never had to go through this before and I'm trying to handle it the best I can. I'm not Superman!
I'm just happy that Danny and I can always get through the bicker matches we have with each other, because we are both frustrated and tired. Somehow he always makes me feel better, even when I think some things are the end of the world. I love that we get along so well and I can't wait till he comes back and everything is back to normal between us. I know he won't be the same exact person as when he left, but we'll still get through it. It's like if we can get through this deployment, we can get through anything! This is the hardest thing to go through as a couple, and it is the worst thing that's happened to the both of us. We just both have to stay strong and count down the days! I'm happy I'm hanging in there, it makes me a little proud of myself. I never give myself the credit I deserve. All of my friends tell me I am crazy and I know I am, but I love my soldier:) I would never do anything to affect our relationship at all. He deserves someone strong to go through this, and I think I am a pretty strong person if I say so myself! All of the army girlfriends and wives are!
In the end ladies, we will all look back on this and smile knowing that we made it through something this insane. Love ya girls!:)
I remember the countdown when it was in the 86-ish range and it first began. Now that there are only about 3 weeks left for him to arrive, I keep planning what I'm going to say to him and what I'm going to wear and where we're going to go... but I'm pretty sure by the time of his arrival, that even if I have something planned to say to him, I will totally forget. This situation is all about living in the moment. You can't rush the future and you can't dwell on the past, or else you'll be miserable (believe me!). He's been SO good about being supportive and positive. I can't help to cry when I see him on Skype, I just tear up because I miss seeing that face back at home. When I cry he kind of just laughs at me because he's a boy and that's his natural reaction haha. I remember the first time I cried in front of him he smirked and chuckled a little bit and I was furious that he actually had the guts to do that to me! Now it is one of my favorite qualities about him, and whenever he knows I'm about to cry he smiles and chuckles a little bit. I adore it:) There are so many things about him that I love. The funny voices he does, laughing at me when I'm about to cry, dancing in his car while he's driving, making fun of me rapping to a song, and most of all when we just can sit together and watch TV and love every second of it together.
I can't even remember fighting with him when he was home. It seems we bicker so much more when he's in Afghanistan. You would think it is the other way around, but we both get so frustrated! We'll be all excited to Skype and see each other, then Skype loses connection to the internet. Or another thing, there is never ANYTHING to talk about! He was gone for over a week, and today was his first day back. I was so excited to talk to him, then after 10 minutes of talking his ear off there was nothing to say. He can't tell me much about what he did that day or has to do soon, so it's really just me starting conversations. There's a bunch of awkward silences and I probably tell him I love him a million times everytime we talk, because there isn't anything else to say. When he was home we would laugh together and make jokes and talk about anything, there was never a dull moment. I felt like a bad person when the conversation stops like it did today, till I talked to another army girlfriend and she said the same thing happens to her. Thank God! I felt like I was a bad girlfriend and that my relationship was crumbling or that I was boring or that he was mad at me. That's a huge part of the frustration, so I get mad easier and lose my cool. Which I won't anymore knowing that I am not the only one. It's good to have girls around who know what it's like, otherwise I would think I am the worst girlfriend in the whole world! It's hard understanding what the men have to do, and it's even harder understanding why things aren't the same as they were when the men were here (besides the obvious reason, they're not here!). I'm sure I'll become more and more understanding but I have never had to go through this before and I'm trying to handle it the best I can. I'm not Superman!
I'm just happy that Danny and I can always get through the bicker matches we have with each other, because we are both frustrated and tired. Somehow he always makes me feel better, even when I think some things are the end of the world. I love that we get along so well and I can't wait till he comes back and everything is back to normal between us. I know he won't be the same exact person as when he left, but we'll still get through it. It's like if we can get through this deployment, we can get through anything! This is the hardest thing to go through as a couple, and it is the worst thing that's happened to the both of us. We just both have to stay strong and count down the days! I'm happy I'm hanging in there, it makes me a little proud of myself. I never give myself the credit I deserve. All of my friends tell me I am crazy and I know I am, but I love my soldier:) I would never do anything to affect our relationship at all. He deserves someone strong to go through this, and I think I am a pretty strong person if I say so myself! All of the army girlfriends and wives are!
In the end ladies, we will all look back on this and smile knowing that we made it through something this insane. Love ya girls!:)
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