Let me start off by saying how OVER the army I am. Second, I hate couples as of today. I am so bored with seeing them because it only makes me want Danny home safe more than I already do. I can't stand anything army related because it makes me think of how angry I am with it. I know they're just doing their job, believe me, I know. I just kind of wish it could be over with. I want Danny back home. I can't talk to anyone about anything because they don't know what to say. I mean, I wouldn't know what to say either if someone said they missed their significant other overseas, yada yada, because I'm not in there place to understand. I just don't like seeing couples who don't get along. I cherish every minute I have with Danny, whether he's leaving soon for a week or before his deployment or not. If you're going to be a couple, be happy together. If you're not happy, don't hang around and waste time. Life is far too short.
Everytime I think back about the memories I have with Danny, it makes me happy but then sad right after. I'm tired of this emotional rollercoaster. I thought in the beginning that I could handle a deployment because to be honest, I'm strong. Nothing really bothers me, I was never a little girl about things ever. I just do what I have to do and I do it independently. But now I'm beyond weak, I cry at everything, I miss him and think about him daily. I will never, ever be able to handle a deployment. You don't really handle it at all, there's not strategy to getting through this; but you just do it because you love them. You're going to be miserable. People told me stay busy... well news flash! I have two part-time jobs now, plus I am in school full-time. Do the math... that is all day, everyday busy! Even at work I still think about him and get sad. Even while I'm running nine million errands or doing homework or doing my duties at my jobs, I am thinking of him every step I take. I love him to death, and I hope he realizes I wouldn't just do this for anyone... This is hell.
I understand that what he is experiencing is ten times worse. If he reads this he'll probably think, wow, I would love to have your jobs and just be in school like a normal kid my age. I understand that what he's experiencing overseas is way more exhausting than what I'm doing, but we feel the exact same way. Nothing is the same for the both of us, we're both just drained, we're both tired of this way of life and we both just want complete normalcy again. I hate crying all the time. This is not easy. I hate talking/venting to people and all they say is "I know." They don't know, and that just drives me more crazy. I miss my monkey:( I'm just going crazy now! People tell me to look forward to the future and the good things that will come, but to me that just doesn't matter right now. I'm living in the present, not the future, and as of right now... well it stinks. The only person who will be able to cheer me up is Danny. And the only way that will happen is for him to come home safely. I can't stand the fighting the happens between us because we're both annoyed, because I know that's not the kind of relationship we have. We aren't "that" couple who fights about every little thing and kisses and makes up, we just don't fight at all together. I'm not saying it's perfect, we have little bicker matches and two minutes later we're fine, but even that's rare. We get along like what we are, best friends. He's not just my boyfriend, and I actually hate that word because no one takes it seriously. This guy is my life, I have never felt happier than when I've been with him. He knows everything about me and we don't judge each other, we get along great. It's beautiful. And for us to fight like we have only when he's overseas, well that just makes me sad. It could be the tiniest thing that sets either one of us off. Taking things the wrong way, having an attitude and raising our voices are not like us. When we're together, we TALK if something is bothering us. Raising our voices is just disrespectful so we never do that. When he's gone, yep we do. I hate it. I just want my best friend home:(
I love you babe. To the moon and back
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