Photographs

The hardest thing is seeing pictures of Danny. I'm so good at putting on a front around people that no one can even tell he's all I'm thinking about. I carry a picture of him in my wallet so I can take it out and look at it whenever. I feel like everytime I see pictures of him, it makes things worse. That sounds bad... I don't know how to explain it. It's like a wound. When you get one, you don't want to look at it or else it seems to hurt worse. When you don't look at it, it's almost like it's not there. I love every aspect of Danny, but the army is what I want to not be there. I don't want this deployment. When I first started dating Danny, I knew he would be deployed. I figured to give it a shot and see if we'd even last a year later when he would get deployed and sure enough I fell in love with him quick. We're still together and I don't ever regret being with him, nor will I ever. But I didn't think facing a deployment would be this hard.

I know girls who will soon be experiencing a deployment, and I think I'm a pretty strong person. I don't really show emotions that things bother me so I figured this would be a cake walk. But those girls will be sorrily mistaken! This is and will be the hardest thing we ever face as a couple, and we're getting through it. Everything I look at reminds me of him. I know in my past few blogs I have mentioned "friends" that are better off away from me, and I don't regret those decisions either. I do things because I'm strong, I don't feel the need to hold on to friends who really aren't my friends because I'd feel bad or whatever. I have the best friends I could have right now, and all along they are the ones I have trusted to get me through this tough time:) I laugh every single day with them, but like I said I can hide feelings well.. I feel without these friends I have, though, I would never ever make it through this deployment. I'd be a hot mess. I just printed out a bunch of pictures of friends and me to hang in my room because I have only a few of friends and the rest are me and Danny. Printing out these pictures is a psychological thing for me, looking at them and Danny will make me 10x more happier than just looking at Danny's cute face (tehe) :) With mostly pictures of me and Danny from the past it hits me harder that he's gone and just makes me sad. Having more pictures of all my friends up keeps me going! I sure hope he appreciates these girls because I couldn't get through this without them!.. The 181 girls are good help too.

Now that Danny will never have to be at the OP ever again (for the rest of his time there this deployment) I get to talk to him every single day!! The weeks are flying by, and there are only 16 weeks left till he's home with me again:) It makes me happy that he doesn't have to be at the OP for weeks at a time. I'm not so worried about his safety because he made me promise not to be, but I feel worse that I can do whatever I please here while he's sitting on the top of a mountain with a bunch of smelly guys. I can get good food, I can have fun and go to places we both love, etc. Soon enough he will be home and we will finally have a normal life together! I love him more than anything, I sound like a sap now! He means the world to me and he should know that no matter what life throws at me, I'll get through it for him:)

16 Weeks babes!!