I cannot believe I'm down to 20 days till I see Danny again!! I think it comes with staying busy and trying to be positive. Today I had a mini panic attack because he stopped talking to me so abruptly and the last time he did that something bad happened. Luckily, a couple of the army wives helped me out by finding out if everything was okay with the men over there and everything is good! Everytime something like this happens, I can't help but to go in panic mode. A lot of the time I feel completely guilty because I know Danny needs for me to be strong and believe me, I am trying! But sometimes I can't help but panic even if everyone tells me everything is okay. I am scared for his safety every single day, just as much as he is I bet. When I get as worked up as I did today, every emotion possible runs through my head. Scared, guilty, sad, happy (for all the times we've already had together), excited (for him to come home to a normal life again), angry (that I can't be there to protect him), and back to scared. It's a rollercoaster! The army is messing with my emotions and I feel a little crazy sometimes, but crazy in this situation is normal!
His coming home is so bittersweet. I want him here for the two weeks, but I also want it to just be over with. Him being home is amazing because I get to see him in person and touch him and see him standing right in front of me, all while I know he is okay. I can't wait to take him places and give back to him what he has been doing for me for the past 3 months, protecting me. I want the two weeks also to just fly by. It's like giving a little kid a piece of candy and dangling it in front of them then just taking it away--it's just teasing me! Because as happy as we're both going to be for those two weeks, he has to leave and go right back for another 5. God, I still can't believe we're going through this together. This is harder than it looks!
Tonight I hung out with my friend Mary again, along with Jessica who is another friend from high school who I have reconnected with. It was so great spending time with them, they are truly amazing friends! They spent time with me and cooked me spaghetti for dinner and picked me up ice cream to make me feel better while I was in panic mode. Ice cream really does make everything better:) It was a really fun night with lots of laughs. Then when I came home I just got lonely again. The house was very silent, I came up in my room and I'm sitting here alone, blogging away. I wish Danny could be next to me watching TV and just laughing with me. I don't even care if we have to watch that God-awful show Lopez Tonight that he thinks is so hilarious, haha, I would give anything to sit through that and just hang out with him!
He's such a good guy. He's good to me, he's good to my family, he's good to my friends, and he's good to his family and friends. Finding someone like this is so hard! When we first started dating, I seriously questioned if he was too good to be true. I guess the only drawback I could find was the army. But it makes him who he is, and I will go through however many deployments it takes for us to be together. I will always be here for him, through thick and thin. I can't even understand what he's going through over there because it's still hard for me to, but I'm trying my best to be here for him. I wish he could open up and talk to me more about how he feels, but I know he's keeping it in to protect me. He's being strong for the both of us when I'm over here breaking down randomly. He's so strong and brave, I hope this deployment makes me more like him in those ways. I think I'm strong now, but he goes above and beyond in that category. I'm beyond proud of my soldier:)
I love you so much Danny, keep your head up hun. 20 more days till we can be together again! Forever and ever, to the moon and back. That's my promise:) xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment