22 Days!!

I can't even believe there are only 22 days left till I see my love! All I do is think about him day and night. I don't know if this sounds harsh or not, but when he's gone I appreciate him so much more. I came to my conclusion... I obviously appreciate Danny when he is home too, but when he is gone all I can do is miss him and think about the time when he was home and appreciate little moments I had with him. When he's home, I live in the moment. I remember every detail about every moment even if it's just a kiss from him. I don't sit there and think about how much I appreciate it, I'm too busy trying to replay it over and over in my head so that when he's gone again and I feel lonely, I can think back and remember that little moment. Maybe that came out wrong, but I'm trying to understand myself!

I remember the countdown when it was in the 86-ish range and it first began. Now that there are only about 3 weeks left for him to arrive, I keep planning what I'm going to say to him and what I'm going to wear and where we're going to go... but I'm pretty sure by the time of his arrival, that even if I have something planned to say to him, I will totally forget. This situation is all about living in the moment. You can't rush the future and you can't dwell on the past, or else you'll be miserable (believe me!). He's been SO good about being supportive and positive. I can't help to cry when I see him on Skype, I just tear up because I miss seeing that face back at home. When I cry he kind of just laughs at me because he's a boy and that's his natural reaction haha. I remember the first time I cried in front of him he smirked and chuckled a little bit and I was furious that he actually had the guts to do that to me! Now it is one of my favorite qualities about him, and whenever he knows I'm about to cry he smiles and chuckles a little bit. I adore it:) There are so many things about him that I love. The funny voices he does, laughing at me when I'm about to cry, dancing in his car while he's driving, making fun of me rapping to a song, and most of all when we just can sit together and watch TV and love every second of it together.

I can't even remember fighting with him when he was home. It seems we bicker so much more when he's in Afghanistan. You would think it is the other way around, but we both get so frustrated! We'll be all excited to Skype and see each other, then Skype loses connection to the internet. Or another thing, there is never ANYTHING to talk about! He was gone for over a week, and today was his first day back. I was so excited to talk to him, then after 10 minutes of talking his ear off there was nothing to say. He can't tell me much about what he did that day or has to do soon, so it's really just me starting conversations. There's a bunch of awkward silences and I probably tell him I love him a million times everytime we talk, because there isn't anything else to say. When he was home we would laugh together and make jokes and talk about anything, there was never a dull moment. I felt like a bad person when the conversation stops like it did today, till I talked to another army girlfriend and she said the same thing happens to her. Thank God! I felt like I was a bad girlfriend and that my relationship was crumbling or that I was boring or that he was mad at me. That's a huge part of the frustration, so I get mad easier and lose my cool. Which I won't anymore knowing that I am not the only one. It's good to have girls around who know what it's like, otherwise I would think I am the worst girlfriend in the whole world! It's hard understanding what the men have to do, and it's even harder understanding why things aren't the same as they were when the men were here (besides the obvious reason, they're not here!). I'm sure I'll become more and more understanding but I have never had to go through this before and I'm trying to handle it the best I can. I'm not Superman!

I'm just happy that Danny and I can always get through the bicker matches we have with each other, because we are both frustrated and tired. Somehow he always makes me feel better, even when I think some things are the end of the world. I love that we get along so well and I can't wait till he comes back and everything is back to normal between us. I know he won't be the same exact person as when he left, but we'll still get through it. It's like if we can get through this deployment, we can get through anything! This is the hardest thing to go through as a couple, and it is the worst thing that's happened to the both of us. We just both have to stay strong and count down the days! I'm happy I'm hanging in there, it makes me a little proud of myself. I never give myself the credit I deserve. All of my friends tell me I am crazy and I know I am, but I love my soldier:) I would never do anything to affect our relationship at all. He deserves someone strong to go through this, and I think I am a pretty strong person if I say so myself! All of the army girlfriends and wives are!

In the end ladies, we will all look back on this and smile knowing that we made it through something this insane. Love ya girls!:)