Friend or Faux?

I've clearly had enough time so far this deployment to spend more time with my friends. I hope they forgive me for constantly being with Danny, but I wanted to spend every waking moment with him because we never knew what it was going to be like when he left. I've been spending all of my free time with my friends, and finding out who is my friend and then who really isn't.

I went to high school with my friend Mary, and we haven't even seen each other since we graduated in 2009. We'd talk on Facebook occasionally and send texts here and there, but that was the extent of it. It's not that I wanted to lose her as a friend, but things after high school change and people go their own ways and drift away from each other. I was so excited when we recently started talking again! She came to me because she knew that in her situation, no one would really understand but me. She told me about her boyfriend, Pvt. Scott Introvigne who just left to Missouri yesterday for training and graduates January 18 as an MP. Then he will be stationed in NY, then going to Afghanistan for 15 months. Mary leaves in about three months for her basic training and boot camp in South Carolina, but doesn't know where she is going yet after that. Needless to say, her and her boyfriend are going to stick through this together. They will hardly even see each other except for a few days (hopefully) in July or early August. She has a million thoughts racing through her mind, and for not talking since high school this was really heavy to hear.

It amazed me that they are being so strong through this! Just when I thought I was in the worst situation in the entire world, Mary came along and told me what was going on in her life. I haven't seen her since high school, and I spent the entire day with her today because she needed to get out of the house and did not want to be alone. I was seriously so happy to spend the day with her because we didn't only catch up with funny memories in high school or what was going on in our life, but she is a best friend to me again. She supported me and I supported her. I wish I never drifted away from this friendship, but now it is back and it is here to stay! :)

On a different note, like in my last blog, I am finding out who my friends are more and more. I never thought I would be going through this, especially at my age. A lot of my friends are immature, whether they admit it or not, and don't understand it. When I say immature, I don't mean it in a bad way... we're only 19 and 20, there is a lot of room left for growing up. Being in a situation like this matures you faster than you may be ready for. So when I try talking to friends, there are different levels of importance between us. I just recently lost a friend of like 2 months because it was starting to get a little ridiculous. When I would go to her for support, she would talk about her boyfriend and, "Oh my God, I don't know what I'M going to do when my boyfriend goes through this next year, blah blah blah..." I understand that she didn't know what to say, but my impatience grew more and more when I would just try to talk to her. There were a million other factors that just made me not want to be her friend, but that was a pretty big one. Truly good friends are important during something as big as this, and I can't stress that enough. I really just thought it wouldn't affect me this much and I could get through it on my own if I really wanted to, but wow was I wrong! I'm happy with my 3 best friends right now, Rachel, Casey and Mary.

I have been best friends with Rachel since 6th grade. There was a time where we lost contact when she moved to Florida. I found out one year that her mother had passed away and the funeral would be in Massachusetts, so I showed up unannounced. I think the fact I did that made us both realize that we never lost each other and we would always be there for each other no matter what. We made sure to exchange numbers that time! We have been talking almost everyday since. Even living in Florida, Rachel has been so strong. She has been strong for the both of us, she tells me things I don't want to hear which is what I usually need most. She tells it how it is during this deployment, and I appreciate it so much more than she thinks. Without these three friends, I would not be able to get through this deployment. Rachel has gone through so much in her life, let alone the death of her mother, and it is inspiration for me. Casey knows exactly what to say to make me feel better while still being real, and Mary can completely relate to me even though she has so much ahead of her to experience.

Today was definitely a better day for me. There is never a moment that goes by where I don't think of Danny, and I hope he knows that. There are small things that remind me of him everywhere, no matter what. We've been going through a lot since the beginning of our relationship. Family drama on both sides, having no money at all when we first started out, this deployment, and more. It's hard to believe it's been only a year because it feels like it has been 50 with all the stuff we've been put through! All of it has made us stronger. All the tears, screaming, throwing inanimate objects... here we are today. I hope people get over the idea of this being just a fling because something this great will never just disappear. We've gotten this far, I'm pretty sure we can get through any obstacle life throws at us. :)

Every night before I go to bed I look at my favorite picture of us sitting on my nightstand, and pray. That's all I can do, and it's been working well so far! :) We really will all be okay in the end, all we have to do is believe and be strong.