My First Blog!

Well, this is my first blog. I got the idea from another army girlfriend who said this really helps getting out her feelings. I never thought that at 19, I would be dealing with something this heavy. This might be the best thing for me, just writing my heart out!

My boyfriend, Spc. Daniel Gramarossa, is currently in Afghanistan. I knew what I signed up for when I started dating him over a year ago, but  I guess I just thought it would be easier than it actually is. I love him so much more than anyone can possibly know, even Danny himself! I know this deployment thing really sucks, but I wouldn't have it any other way. If we can get through this, we can get through anything. I met Danny over a year ago, and I was the girl crazy enough to stick by him even after he told me he'd be deploying on our first date! Pretty heavy to hear on a first date but I guess he just wanted to get it out sooner than later so I wouldn't run off and abandon him a month before he deploys or something! I'm glad I stuck by him, because this deployment has not only been strengthening our relationship, but it's making me a stronger person.

I have amazing friends who have been sticking through this with me. My best friend Casey has been there for me through thick and thin. I can call her and just cry and she'll tell me what I need to hear to get through this. I made this blog though, because not all my friends understand what I'm going through. It's natural, if they haven't been through it themselves, it is hard for them to possibly understand what I'm really going through. I have also met AMAZING ladies whose husbands and boyfriends are also in Danny's unit over in Afghanistan. It is extremely nice having the support of them, plus my friends. What I like about the 181 ladies is that they understand what I'm going through because they are going through it too, so what they tell me to get through rough times, I actually believe.

Not many people know what we actually go through. There was one time when there was footage online of a really bad explosion happened to Danny's camp, and I spent that whole day wondering if Danny was even living or not. I was excused from class because I couldn't hold it together. Everytime I don't talk to Danny I wonder what he's doing and I wonder if he's okay. Right now Danny is on an OP, and I haven't talked to him in almost a week. He called me on New Year's Day right after the ball dropped, but I only talked to him for less than a minute. That was the worst holiday so far. Thanksgiving and Christmas, I got through alright. Of course I cried a little, but on New Year's I just couldn't hold it together anymore. I watched on TV as the couples were kissing when it was the new year, and I just wished Danny could be with me. I felt even worse that he had to be in a desert on New Year's, was during Thanksgiving and Christmas as well. He will also be on his 21st birthday. I just want him so badly to come back to a normal life. The things he has seen, nobody should ever have to see in their entire life.

I pray every single night for him and for him to come home safe. When I say this is hard to my friends, or anyone for that matter, they have no idea. This is the hardest thing I will ever have to be going through in my whole life, plus another 2-3 deployments I'm sure. All I think about is Danny, whether I want to or not. His safety is the most important thing to me right now. I'm also happy his family is there for me. Mine is too, but it's hard for them to understand what I'm going through. Danny has 3 siblings, two older sisters and an older brother. Danny is the youngest, and I can't even imagine how his parents feel daily knowing that their youngest son who they remember as a little kid, is now in Afghanistan walking around with a SAW ready to fire at any given moment. It's hard to see his mom and dad tear up trying to be strong, when I know all they want to do is cry because they miss their son. They have to be extremely proud of him for being brave through this! I know I'm proud to say he's my boyfriend, and anyone else I've dated just looks so below him. He is an amazing guy, and for going through this just makes me more proud of him than I can even put into words. :)